Everything Nac

Chris Herrington, Contributing Writer

     There are, among the movies we see, a certain number which move us and others that simply move characters through scenes but in the end say nothing. The first ones are substantial, interesting, formative, inspiring, compelling, transformative, and can alertingly harmonize us to the human condition. The second group, and it is larger by far, is formulaic, banal, vapid, insensitive, uninspiring, and in no way really fulfills the intimate need we have for completion, reciprocity, reconciliation, and redemption. The difference between the two may at first glance be so various that it requires us to hold court, ask around, advance theories, or arm chair their inconsequential status, but it is a point of the very question of the worth of that first group that shatters that seeming need with this simple insight: The stories that compel us matter to us because they make us question ourselves.

     The bottom line then is this question, “What is it that I am least likely to question and that the best stories, best sound bites, best movies, and best slogans question so well?” It is the certitude I hold as my own, my self-righteousness. That which I hold as my own ideas, my foundation, my essential dogmas, security against the cold or the heat, that which I am absolutely given over to as foundational in my pantheon of beliefs and the structural basis of my faith, my most basic awareness, this is the basis upon which all else follows. And that base is built upon a simple foundational stone, the prototypical prime point of all thinking and action, a feeling of security, the point at which we begin to become aware, the transitional state in which we turn our emotional constructions into real life interfaces: We feel that we are who we are because of our feeling this concept, point, or understanding. Think of this as the point at which we begin to believe that what we think we believe is what we actually believe. And it starts simply by our complying with those around us: I am a boy or man, I am black or white, I am male or female, I am an American and you are not, I am a Christian and you are a Muslim, I have these needs, or you do not know me. All of these constructions have a common thread.

     I do, be, have something. I do it. I am it. I have it. We may say that we are this or that, but science says otherwise. Microbiology says otherwise. Philosophy says otherwise. Physics says otherwise. Moreover, even things like Christianity say otherwise. I am crucified with Christ, Paul says. I am dead. Nevertheless I live, yet not I….he continues. I am like a zombie then, the undead is also the notliving, at least not under my own steam. And yet these ideas do not power our thinking, because we do not feel harmonized with them. During a movie like “Pay it Forward,” for a few minutes, yes, we do feel the need to give unconditionally to others, but once out of the theater, most of us revert to our old selves.

     We might think, having seen the “Matrix” that we are being used like a tool, and we need to break out of our prison from the commercialized world of our socialization, but we do not give it much more thought than to mention the red and blue pills or to make posturing moves like Neo once he has realized his potential. We eat the steak and our minds tell us it is good. We drink the Kool-Aid and we repeat what we hear.

     We simply forget to figure in our “true thinking” as an extension of our addiction to the ideas that we have gathered as projections of the feelings we think that we have. I hate and so I act that out, even on those I do not feel threatened by. I group them, objectify them, and I trash them verbally in front of my peers, and this passes and infects. All the while, I would actually be ever so grateful if those I seemingly hate were to give me directions, buy from my store, or assist my child or mate if they were to run out of gas on the road late at night. I once heard prominent minister, Jerry Falwell, say in an open meeting that he would rather that his two sons were killed at war than for them to be gay. I know that at Liberty University they are dealing with the big questions. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=UIIh3qeIrHo Falwell’s chivalry seems to have infected his students. Next to death, would being gay be the worst a man could do? In light of the facts, Falwell is dead, but at least he is not gay? Better dead than gay…..that does not ring a bell. Better dead than liberal? Better dead than conservative? These all seem ill conceived.

     What, though, are these major questions? We might even begin to form an idea that there may be a single most over-ridingly powerful question, one that motivates all others, the proto-question. What is it that allows people to rationalize anything, everything, all things, no things, all at the same time? Here’s a first stab at the heart of all questions: Self-righteousness. When God sent Moses to Pharaoh to obtain freedom for the Israelites, he told his representative to tell them that “I am that I am” has sent you. When Lucifer made his break for it, he came up with the idea that he would be “like the most high.” Let’s synthesize these two ideas into a single concept. If I can be as right as God, I should be able to do whatever I want and still be right(eous).” “I will simply claim that I know everything about anything and that will give me the authority to do as I please about it and everything connected to it.” I can justify the means by having a beginning that is based in the fantasy of knowing it all if I have an experience that is so “deep” and real that I have come to believe that I know the mind of God. I’ve got a feeling that I am right. I have had an experience that I can claim gave me the knowledge of God. God is telling me what to do, and I am doing his bidding. In this context, it sounds out there, insane, right? Yes, it does.

     And yet, is that not what we hear from most everyone most of the time? Road rage, war, retribution, jealousy, bullying, moral justice, might makes right, domination, brute force, tyranny, pettiness, insensitivity, the brutal truth, you made me do it, don’t make me feel that, don’t threaten me, frivolous law suits, hostile takeover, moral certitude, righteous indignation, many words that cross back and forth through the human complexity in and out of range of what is mentally healthy and what is murder, rape, and cruelty.

     If we cannot question what we think, then how do we know that we are not being driven by the demons of our own self-righteousness? If our feelings are so rock solid, how is it that we make assertions and also make exceptions in the same sentence? If these feelings are God given and so righteous, why are they often embedded in anger, shame, humiliations, and an insecurity of an inability to question them repeatedly and often?

     We have become a nation of people who rationalize our every move, spiritualize every event, blame on every note, and dismiss at the drop of a hat. I’m not so sure I understand the rationality of this hyperbole. I’m sure it sounds good to your friends, but I want to see the look on God’s face when you use the analysis, “I may be a murderer, but at least I’m not gay!” Are you sure that’s your story, and you’re sticking to it? Can I get that on film?

runningturtle87