Chris Herrington decided years ago that his reality was much more fun…
and he’s ready to tell you why.
Sit back and relax.
It’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Don’t Take It Personally
Taboo topics include religion, economics, politics, bedroom stuff, certain letters of the alphabet, loans we have made with people who have not paid us back, lawn equipment we have loaned to those who have borrowed it, offensive things we have said to our in-laws, and things we would like to say but do not have the distance to be able to say without retribution. Here, I will probably get into trouble.
1. Religion: Nothing today.
2. Economics: Nothing today.
3. Politics: Nothing today.
4. Bedroom: Nothing today.
5. Letters: Nothing today.
6. Money loaned: Nothing today.
7. Stuff borrowed: Nothing today.
8. In-laws: Nothing today.
9. Distance: Okay, you’ve got me.
Sometimes it is just impossible to stay far enough away from a subject to keep from getting burned by it in our retreat. We would like to just say our peace, the other person just take it to heart without taking offense, and still be friends but with a deeper understanding that what the other person has done is way over the line, and yet this is seldom the case. People often get upset, even when they ask us to comment on something. I’m not just talking about, “Does this dress make me look fat?”
I’m talking about the expected answer being something that is so far away from the actual answer that the other person is appalled and disgusted. You know what I’m talking about. The other person comes in totally ripping mad and throwing a temper tantrum and we want to be there for them (him or her), and then this person just says the unthinkable, we take it personally, and it is on. Yeah, that sort of thing.
You can tell the depth of the relationship by how freely you can go off on somebody. If you are blowing up and falling apart at the same time, the other person better know you pretty well, otherwise this is not going to end well. If you are on the receiving end of these tirades, then you had better have a thick skin. I’ve said some things in my life that I am not proud of; these things were not the crowning achievements of my training or studies. I have also been on the receiving end of some pretty obnoxious and growth stunting comments, believe me.
It is really hard to hold your tongue, at least it is for me, when the back of your head is rushing to the front of your mouth with a load of “Let me tell you.” I’ve had people pull out that 5-foot finger of self-righteousness and read my beads all the way back to the Stone Age. Believe me, you have not lived until a 13 year-old takes a verbal swing at your ancestry. Your eyes light up like laser cut diamonds with biohazard flashes of interstellar napalmbasity. You start making up words and thinking in sacred geometric patterns. Then you bust out laughing because you know that no one in the universe would have the concrete knuckle-dragging fur to say anything like that to your face and expect that the retribution of Halley’s Comet on steroids isn’t going to absolutely…. And then you catch your breath. I’m going to go for a walk. You are half way to Etoile when you figure out that you are too tired to walk back, so you reach for your phone, which you left on the table. Now, do you hang on to it or handle it?
One thing to do is to limit the damage the other person can do in the first place. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong?” which is truly only going to end up dragging out every mistake you have ever made, try saying, “What can I do right now to help you fix this?”
This limits your liability in the situation, and it puts a box around the problem. I will help you fix your problem, but I do not take responsibility for your feelings. Subtext: “Let’s get this done, ‘Desperate Housewives’ comes on in 18 minutes.” Or whatever.
Don’t take any of this personally; it could not possibly be your fault anyways, right? “I never wake up grumpy, I just let him sleep it on through.”
When my mother turned 40, my dad said, “Great, now I can trade you in on two 20’s.” He thought that was very clever, and he cracked himself up.
My mother retorted, “Harold, you’re not wired for 220!”
She had a way with him, and I am still trying to learn to limit the discussion the way that dear old mom could do. Don’t take it personally.
Having completed 32 years of public school service, Chris Herrington lives, with his wife, in Appleby, Texas, and his writing consists of blogging and essay writing concerning an array of topics including education, mediation, self-development, and human interests. He teaches at the Martin School of Choice, plays racquetball, and enjoys his job.
Chris Herrington can be reached at herrington@everythingnac.com
What an Imagination- I like The creation- We need people like you n our nation-
GENIUS!!
thats very good