Chris Herrington, Contributing Writer
Many people use a sort of shot gun effect approach to their communications in life: “If I just say this say this enough, and repeat the parts that seem the most important to me, then I will be understood.” The problem is that someone would have to piece together 10 conversations to get your drift if you only deliver slivers and phrases and fragments at a time.
And it does no good at all to repeatedly ask, “Feel me?” Do I feel exactly what you are saying when you use half-formed sentences that barely have any content at all besides the occasional “F bomb” and a few scattered notices of what you heard in the media? No, I don’t think I feel exactly like that at all! If all you do is use single word answers or half comments so that the other person has to remember the entire conversation in order to keep up, then the chances that someone is going to get lost along the way in a conversation on religion, politics, economics, or personal business is just about 100%.
Sometimes others are so busy trying to say what they are building up to that they forget to show the process they themselves used to acquire this understanding and the learning curve was 10 years, and so they get frustrated that they are not immediately understood. We are virtually left holding the bag on every word they speak, and yet they are often angry when we ask a clarifying question. This is not a woman/man thing; this is a human thing.
Others still want to be listened to and yet will not listen to themselves or others, and so they are really just having running commentary on everything and on everyone around them without ever taking a breath…I resemble that remark. We want them to take a break, take a breath, or simply be quiet for a few minutes while we digest the enormous pile of data they have just dumped on us. Whew! Give it a rest, please?
In any case, if we want to be understood, we have to create the context, the entire concept, behind what we are trying to say. We cannot expect others to keep up with us if we simply throw ourselves emotionally and blindly over a fence and start hammering away one phrase and fragment at a time while we explore God, the universe, and other related topics. We acquired our understanding a word and an example at a time, and just because we have finally gotten it after years of others’ asking us what we really mean, to explain ourselves more fully, and to make sure to give it out in smaller doses, does not give us the right to demand that others get it right now.
A good test for this is to copy and paste a conversation you have had on Facebook and then take out the other person’s answers. You may find that you cannot even begin to keep up with the conversation without using your 100% memory to fill in all of the spots that are odd. Then take in the fact that the other person may have left critical blanks where you simply assumed that something substantial was being said and now everything you said was fairy dust and powered eggs with a side of broken glass.
Well, if copying and pasting pictures with slogans and bumper sticker logic on them says everything you wanted to say, have a Hallmark Life……but if you are trying your darnedest to communicate your feelings, beliefs, faith, understanding, values, needs, desires, critical thoughts, and your own sense of reality, then you will need to take a little more time than simply getting validated by someone’s “feeling” you.
A fully functioning human being is multidimensional and able to respond with an entire array of understanding tools…this takes work, trust, dedication, empathy, compassion, and patience, on all sides. It takes mining your own thoughts and feelings and coming up with a plan to communicate them. Many times we wait until the emergency we needed to be prepared for before we begin to think about these things. Our feelings are hidden from us by our daily work and games. We wait way too long to learn to say what we need to say and by the time we get around to it, we are too late. The moment is gone.
If you can’t take the risk to communicate who you are, and the people around you don’t really know you, that may be a function of your having picked really dense friends, but then that may say a lot more about you than about them. Why not pick on people who can really take you to task? Risk taking is an adult game of being honest and open; the stakes are high and the rewards are only that you will be known as you are.
I can hear a specific crowd of people who will only hear that I used the word “game” to describe this process. You know that group. You can talk all day, spill your guts, be emotionally naked, reveal your truth, and lay your life on the line and all they hear is that one slant on things that gives them some odd upper hand and then they can dog the entire process. “Risk taking is an adult game of being honest and open.” They heard “game,” but they did not hear “adult.” Their childish minds cannot hear the intent, the content, and even if it is totally spelled out in clear and concise terms that are meant to mitigate any misunderstandings that arise, whether in terms of metaphors used or in terms of grammar deployed, and yet they work diligently day and night to undermine the potential for real communication. We know them when we hear them. And that is the game I was talking about. Gotcha! You cannot win with them, No, Sir! They would not stoop to understanding if…..well, they just won’t. So, let them have it. Ignorance is its own reward, and there is no law against being an idiot. If you have communicated to the best of your ability, then move along and see who else might answer the call. The world is filled with good ears and people who love to talk.
runnigturtle87
