Chris Herrington, Contributing Writer
It is hard to imagine that we are so very naked in front of others, but what we have not figured out is that just because WE don’t know does not mean that others don’t. We do not share our blind spots with everyone else. We have different blind spots, and so we invite others into our lives in order to shed light on the dark areas. Everyone else is God’s little flashlight on our insecurities and raw nerves, our sore spots and our delusions. We get upset when they point out what we have brought them into our lives to bring to light. Think of the person who annoys you as your messenger to yourself to get it together. “Tag, you’re it,” is what you are saying to yourself sub-consciously!
In the game of cosmic tag then, how we play and the rules we set up make all the difference. Many times, one partner in a relationship will engage the other partner with the projection of just such a blind spot. Money and freedom to operate without notice are likely targets of these covert subterfuges. “I’m going to go get a paper, and I am taking Chris with me,” my dad would tell my mom. She knew that was a lie. I knew that was a lie. He knew that was a lie. He simply did not want to tell her where he was going and the truth is that he may not have even known where he was going.
Many times we would go to a movie, and we would arrive there about 4 minutes late, and this was back when 4 minutes late was really not knowing why the next scene was taking place or who these characters were. That was traumatizing for me. Dad was there for the popcorn, and hopefully there was a girl, or a car chase, or gun play, or some scum bag that was a liar was going to get smoked. I always thought he had an ironic taste in films.
Other times we would go to watch a building in the process of its development, and we did this as it progressed. I’ve seen buildings go through their ground breaking stages, the foundations being built, the walls erected, the slab floors laid, the electrical and air conditioning run, all formulations of contractors as they managed their workers and created an edifice from blue prints to customer service in the completed project. It is a wonder I did not take up architecture, but there were other things that caught my attention.
I’ve become fascinated with the inner-workings of relationships, the dynamics and idiosyncratic anomalies of human interaction and activity, purely for the sake of seeing it in operation. Spouses, parents, in-laws, ex-spouses, children, every phase and line of choice, church, politics, finances, policy, weapons, medical, education…the endless list of every facet of humans at work at the business of being human, I find absolutely entertaining and engaging. I owe much of this to my having watched my father on his forays as he networked and plied his interests on what looked like a full bore search and seizure of all things consumable. My dad was Jackie Gleason’s test tube love child with Carol Burnett and Nurse Ratched. He could make the most innocent thing seem sinister and overwhelmingly foreboding. He could also make the most awful potential seem like a party favor.
For a long time, I wondered why God had cursed me with a father who was bi-polar. I had always thought that if I had had a father who was normal, and sane and compassionate and had a conscience, maybe my life would have gone differently, but as it was it did go differently. There was no normal. He told me later in life, the year that he died, “I am God’s little reminder not to just simply trust people.” That was for sure. He messed up a lot of families and crashed a lot of circumstances. He was a regular human virus. But, he was fascinating!
He took me places and put me in situations that made everything else for the rest of my life seem normal, and in fact what was actually normal seemed weird to me. This is how I came to understand that people are talking to us about themselves. They are always working an angle, putting in their 2 cents. I have come to a point where I simply start conversations with folks and within a short time they are spilling the beans and telling it all, and they may even say to themselves that they will not say a word and will not do anything that is in the least telling. Huh. There are a trillion ways to say it all. I hear them screaming their truths and insecurities with everything they’ve got.
It was not right away, but over time, this started to reflect back at me. I guide these folks here to tell me their stuff to illuminate my own stuff. If I run into someone, I can bet they are having an issue with whatever I need to work on. The phone rings, Facebook lights up, e-mail, whatever. I was about 13 when I noticed that it was happening on TV. Movies and songs do the same thing. I feel like I am in a symphony of neurosis and insecurity. It’s not that I am the center of the universe, but rather that there is no non-center.
I wanted to be one with everything, but I did not see this coming.
runningturtle87
