Everything Nac

Chris Herrington, Contributing Writer

     I remember when I was a kid, buying at Sears was like buying from GOD. Craftsman tools were guaranteed for life and the appliances and machines were rock solid. I bought clothes there, and there was no way you would buy anything except a Sears mower! Now days, everything is iffy. I bought a mower there, and they could not find it on the list of items in order to service it. Everything has to be on a list. Riding mower, washer, another washer, a dryer, a frig, a water dispenser/heater, an oven, and a range hood: You would think they would see my car in the parking lot and run out with a root beer, since I am allergic to caffeine and they would know that if they cared. I’ve been a Sears guy all my life, until the last few things started going terribly wrong with service, and parts, and just in general.

     I took my mower in to be repaired, telling them it leaked gasoline out the side somewhere, and he wrote that down. When I got it back I made the 40 mile round trip to the house, put it out in the yard for the weekend, went and got the gasoline to make sure I had fresh gas, and when I put it in it promptly poured out the side just like before. Nothing had been done. I had even told the man on the phone when he let me know it was out of warranty that it was leaking like a sieve, and it still does, two weeks later. Now, we could blame a lot of people for this.

     I am sure that someone wants to blame Obama…..mowercare!

     For sure the corporations are to blame for not hiring enough competent people, short changing them in their salaries, and then using the left over money to buy jets.

     We could blame the OW crowd, because if they were putting all of that energy into actually working, we would not be having all of these problems.
We can blame Americans for not keeping track of abuses and just plain letting America go to the dogs and overseas.

     Maybe it’s the competitive market where parts have to made more cheaply all the time so that pretty soon all you get when you buy the mower is the box; the mower itself is extra, plus wheels and the blade. “Add the engine, Sir? Do you want the Super Dyna Meta Remixed Axel Bearing Spinomatic Chargers, Sir? They can really uptake infra radiate the beazle fluffers and bainselate the nicobooners! Highly recommended, plus the warranty is no good without them, Sir.”

     Yes, Sir, Sears used to be American pride at its best. And the banks lent money, and churches held services. Chiropractors cracked backs, and dentists didn’t do plastic surgery.

     Somewhere around 1963, Mad magazine started making fun of the places that grew into Wal-Mart and big box stores that sold everything from caskets to family photos, and we got all wrapped up in a maelstrom of convenience. I remember the first time I saw an ad for a credit card. The universe went south after that. Firestone. Ford. Detroit. It was like the little stuff got it and passed it on through the network of the universe until everything was afflicted with some sadness called “crapatosis.” Everyone started talking like a moron, and people were selling themselves like cheap booze and a broken menu. Leisure suits were a sign that we had lost traction. Some people blame the hippies, but 3 piece leisure suits were the down fall of civilization as we knew it. By 1979, disco had become a droning beat that had crushed Mrs. Robinson and plastic all to hell. There was really no one cool left who had not been divorced and even the plastic was made in China.

     I got in the truck a little while ago, and I was going to return the mower to be fixed, again. But I have other things I need to do this afternoon. I’ll need to call ahead and get an appointment to get my riding mower fixed, and I need to take the dryer out and find the serial number on the back since they have no record of my buying this $1,300 dryer on their list, so maybe they can match it from the code on the back.

     I’ll tell you who the new Sears is, Lexus. My salesman has given me a card on every occasion for 3 years: birthday, anniversary, Christmas, reminders for service. Those were the days, when companies actually cared enough. A loaner car in Houston when I get my oil changed! Complimentary everything! I used my water bottle that said, “Lexus,” on it for a year, refilling it just to advertise for them everywhere I went. I don’t have a Sears water bottle. I wonder if Lexus makes mowers?

     No, we are not in Kansas anymore. We are not even in Texas anymore. The traffic sucks, the service sucks, the vampires have moved in and taken over. Even the attitudes in Texas have changed. The Lone Star State is not what it once was, but neither is anything else. I should be raving about Ford or Chevy or remember Chrysler? I remember Sears, but the old grey mare she ain’t what she used to be.

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